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It raises more questions than answers.

Edited: Now with even MORE snotty questions!
  1. Why can you use the Force to jump 50 feet into the air, but you can't use it to stop yourself from falling 50 feet down?

  2. Why does the Republic have faster-than-light interstellar travel, but not prenatal care?

  3. Why can you use the Force to push a speeder off you, but not to pick up a bad guy to stop him from running away?

  4. Why are Anakin and Padme worried about "keeping their secret" while at the same time shacking up and parading her pregnancy around the Senate?

  5. How could there be a breathable atmosphere on a planet that's one giant volcano?

  6. How did Yoda get the reputation as the wisest of the Jedi, but every time he's asked about the future, he always says "Cloudy, the future is..."

  7. Why do the Jedi think that it's a good idea to hide the babies with the one Senator who helped them and on Darth Vader's home planet?

  8. On every planet that's little more than one giant paved lot or a barren rock, there are mega-fauna that would have no food source adequate to their size. What do they live on?

  9. Why, in the fight between Mace Windu and Chancellor Palpatine, does the Chancellor get all wrinkly and weird looking when playing with electricity, but that never happens any other time the Sith use the electricity thing?

  10. Is electricity evil? Is that why only Sith can use it?

  11. Why is it that when Yoda and Obi-Wan died, they disappeared from their own clothes, but when all the other Jedi masters died they just fell over in pools of their own gore? And don't say it's because they didn't see it coming. At least one of those guys turned and saw it coming. Even Count Dookie just flopped over like so much headless meat.

  12. General Grievous. Grievous, for cryin' out loud! Why not Commander Badass? Lord Killyou? Queen Imgonnatakeyourplanet? Who thinks up these stupid, stupid names, and how can anyone take them seriously? Oh, yeah, I forgot. The lead character for the last three movies has been a guy we're supposed to look on as big and strong and impressive, but who's stuck with the name "Annie-kin."

  13. Natalie Portman was Ms. Kickass during the first movie, and during part of the second. And then, her brain turned to mush. What the hell happened?

Okay, that's all the questions I have for now.


( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 5th, 2005 04:53 am (UTC)
Some of these have answers...
1) I think Force jump is a muscle-enhancer, not a levitation thing.

2) I figure they do have prenatal care, but Padme was "keeping it secret."

3) Dumb mistake.

4) They're idiots, pretty much.

5) Beats me.

6) Because the wisest oracles know that accurate predictions are damn near impossible and also, as I've said before, that it's a bad idea to take prophecies seriously.

7) Yeah, about that...

8) They eat other mega-animals. :)

9) Windu was reflecting some of the lightning back on Palpatine with his lightsaber. Also, there seems to be a general consensus that Palpatine was already being warped by the dark side at that point, and his maintenance of a normal face was a kind of Jedi mind trick (sort of like the way he managed to keep the Jedi from noticing that he was completely evil -- he had massively developed mind-altering abilities).

10) There are a number of Force powers that are classified as strictly dark-side because they cause actual damage to the target (Plague, Insanity, Force Storm, Choke/Kill, various explody things) and can't really be accessed except through anger/hatred/fear. It's possible for a light-side Jedi to use dark-side powers, but taxing -- Force powers get depleted with use, much like regular physical energy, and using powers of the opposite alignment takes more oomph -- and doing it too much pulls one closer to the dark side.
Jun. 5th, 2005 06:16 am (UTC)
Re: Some of these have answers...
10) There are a number of Force powers that are classified as strictly dark-side because they cause actual damage to the target (Plague, Insanity, Force Storm, Choke/Kill, various explody things) and can't really be accessed except through anger/hatred/fear.

Um...dark toast? Spin dry? On/off?

Your answers to 9 & 10 indicate that you have now put more thought into this than George Lucas did. Why aren't you rich?

Jun. 5th, 2005 06:19 am (UTC)
Re: Some of these have answers...
Oh, and for #1, it is a levitation thing. Remember all the zillions of times that they put out their hands and suck up their light sabers, or telekinetically throw something at their opponents? Why can't you just aim that power at the ground and "throw" the whole planet away from you, thus stopping your fall? Remember, "size matters not!"
Jun. 5th, 2005 07:24 am (UTC)
Re: Some of these have answers...
Nope, definitely not. Telekinesis is a distinct power from Force Jump, which augments natural abilities (all the acrobatics you see are basically augmentation of physical abilities). You can't really use telekinesis on yourself -- well, you probably could, but it'd be difficult to control -- and, well, no matter what Yoda says, you can't throw a planet.

Incidentally, I think picking up a bad guy might just be kind of hard. It's easier to throw someone across the room when he's not expecting it, but trying to hold onto someone who's struggling might be trickier.

Also, to the above: I'm not the one who put that much thought into it -- this stuff's all more or less canon. The thing about light/dark side powers is a general rule, which is actually most clearly demonstrated in the video games; you don't take dark side penalties, but if you're of a light side alignment it takes a lot of force points to use dark-side powers, and vice versa.

Lucas's problem is that he doesn't pay enough attention to the EU canon, or even his own canon; among the many things he's not good at, continuity is one of them. However, he's got a lot of good people who keep track of that stuff -- they make up the info packets for writers -- and so most of the time things that might seem weird actually fit in with other stuff that we know. Stuff gets by, of course, but it usually tends to be dumb character mistakes like Anakin and Padme shacking up all la-de-da, rather than actual continuity errors/logic lapses.

Dark side powers that I know of, because I'm bored:

Grip/Choke/Crush/Wound/Kill (various levels of squishing people's internal organs)
Lightning/Chain Lightning (duh)
Rage (increases speed and strength, but injures user)
Affliction/Plague (poison damage)
Insanity (duh)
Mind Control (also duh)
Force Storm (um, rip in space-time continuum... no, I'm serious... Palpatine did it in the comic books)
Drain Life/Death Field(suck life out of people and use it)
Destruction/Destruction Orb (explody)
Thought Bomb (kills, uh, everything, but I think this one's a variant of the "let's make an even BIGGER weapon!" syndrome you see with EU authors)
Force Scream (sort of like when Carrie gets really pissed off and stuff starts flying all over the place at random)

Basically, using one of these is like wearing a sign that says "I AM FULL OF EVIL." I think a Jedi who made a habit of doing this stuff would get beat up by the other Jedi.
Jun. 5th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC)
Re: Some of these have answers...
Basically, using one of these is like wearing a sign that says "I AM FULL OF EVIL."

And a reply like this is like wearing a sign that says "I AM A FLAMING GEEK."

But I love you anyway.
Jun. 5th, 2005 05:35 pm (UTC)
Re: Some of these have answers...
Eh, I got most of these from watching everybody in the downstairs suite play Knights of the Old Republic over and over and over AND OVER AGAIN. I swear, the boy's played through it like six times, and it's a thirty-hour game at least. Sigh.
Jun. 5th, 2005 05:21 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah?
Beat up how, exactly?

Okay. In Episode IV, the Force is this pervasive energy field that every living thing distorts, sort of like gravity bending spacetime. Beings trained to sense and use the force can detect these distortions and can direct their own distortions to affect the physical world. Old Ben Kenobi demonstrates this with the oft-quoted, "These aren't the 'droids you're looking for."

This is a notion of the Force that I can buy. Luke "uses the Force" to fly unpredictably and make it hard for Vader to shoot him. He "uses the Force" to hit the 2 meter wide access port.

In Episode V, Luke uses the Force to grab his lightsaber. Yoda uses the Force to lift Luke's X-wing out of the muck. One or the other of them lifts RS-232 up in the air. Luke has to lift rocks. How is any of this different from lifing up a toaster? Or a battle 'droid? Because, and let's not forget this because it's important, 'droids are machines. Using the Force on a 'droid should be about as difficult as using the Force on a freakin' door.

So, here we have this weird and poorly thought-out dichotomy. In an error worthy of a high school freshman, Lucas has made this distinction: if you use the Force subtly, making small influences in the right places to effect change, you're being Jedi. But if you use the Force like a firehose, just flattening your problem, then you're being Sith. The dark side of the Force isn't dark at all, it's just clumsy. If the Jedi just belittled the Sith as being inelegant and inefficient, I could understand it. But no, it's some sort of moral thing. But let's also be clear about the pros and cons to these approaches. "Dark" use isn't so much evil as it is wasteful of energy. But it's also really good at achieving short-term results. In a conflict, the nuclear bomb will kill a lot of people, while the subtle maneuverings of diplomats will make the nuclear bomb an unnecessary, undesirable, or impossible option in the long run. But right here, right now, if I've got a nuclear bomb and the intention of detonating it, Mr. Subtle over there ain't gonna do squat except expire.

It's freakin' space opera. The Star Wars universe makes very little sense. It makes even less sense than E. E. "Doc" Smith's Lensman universe (and that's sayin' summat). It's entertaining, but good God. I mock, mildly, Smith's crazy notions of legality, morality, genetics, and physics. I mock, and hard, Lucas' failure to make any kind of sense at all.

I must be a Sith at heart. Because while the Star Wars fanbase is sitting around having group love with the story arc, I'm sitting here with Scott Evil saying, "Just shoot him. What do you need sharks with laser beams for? I've got a gun. Let me just shoot him."
Jun. 5th, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Oh yeah?
Incidentally, there is a damage/destroy droid power analogous to force lightning, but it's considered a universal power -- not really light or dark. Attacking machinery is neutral.

I'm not going to defend the Jedi on your points, since I think they're kind of nerds, and you've definitely got something there about the inefficiency thing. However, the Jedi get a lot of defensive powers, stuff like Shield and Master Valor and Heal, and that works pretty well as a counterpoint to the Sith's offensive powers. I think that's the real difference -- the Jedi use the Force mainly on themselves and their allies for protection and enhancement of ability, or they use it as a means of perception. Light-side powers aren't necessarily all that subtle; they're just, for the most part, not used directly on the enemy.
Jun. 6th, 2005 03:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Some of these have answers...
Lucas's problem is that he doesn't pay enough attention to the EU canon

And what does the European Union have to do with anything?
Jun. 6th, 2005 06:48 am (UTC)
Answer to Question 11 found at link below
Hi Lise. Just thought I should forward along the best explanation for question 11 that I've ever seen.


- Ian
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )