Saruwatari Ayumi (junglemonkee) wrote,
Saruwatari Ayumi

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Eye of the Hurricane

The Pirate and I were inventorying the preserves last night, seeing what more we can make now to put up for winter. We'll have pumpkins soon, and I'll cook and puree them and freeze the meat for soup and stuff during the cold.

I started reflecting on the fact that three years ago, my life was constantly on fire. I had a new baby, a husband who was an active force of entropy in my life, a foster son who was bound and determined to make me pay for his family's sins, a job that was under near-constant threat and an ex-husband whose new wife hated me for ever having known him, let alone having had a kid with him. Ninety percent of my time was spent putting out fires of one kind or another, and the other ten percent was spent looking with longing at all of my friends and thinking "they're not this messed up. They don't have these problems."

Three years later I have a stable, secure job, two beautiful children, a new husband who's an active and capable life partner and nobody whose crises directly impact my life in a negative way. I'm finally looking up from my own life and thinking "My friends are a lot more messed up than I had ever realized."

The whole thing makes me a little sad. I wish that everyone could feel about their lives the way that I feel about mine - that their lives mean something, that they're moving in a good direction, that if you close your eyes and breathe for a minute, nothing bad will happen to you.

I want that for all my friends.

  • Drinking Like a Writer

    In the 1940 classic “The Philadelphia Story,” C.K. Dexter Haven tells Macaulay Connor “I thought all writers drank to excess and beat their wives.…

  • Equality of Choice

    It's official. I've made my choice of grad schools. Of the ten I applied to, I chose Antioch University, Los Angeles. Of the programs to which I…

  • Nobody Loves US Anymore!

    Look, America, I'm gonna play it straight with you. I know that you and I haven't seen eye to eye about things. I know I'm not the most popular kid…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.