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Hope for the Single

This article shows why none of you who are still single and looking should lose hope. No matter how esoteric or varied your tastes, there's someone out there for you, apparently. The trick is NOT to go out looking, but to sit back, relax and let them come to you.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
layer
Aug. 12th, 2005 06:45 pm (UTC)
YAY! just what i wanted to hear. :)
kr8vkat
Aug. 12th, 2005 06:50 pm (UTC)
But if everyone stays put to let others come to them, who will do the "going to"??
junglemonkee
Aug. 12th, 2005 07:08 pm (UTC)
Apparently someone called the "superdaters." If they wear their underpants on the outside it's no wonder they don't get a lot of second dates.

I'm just quoting the article, which in turn quoted a study. The thing is that it's not the number of interests you have, apparently. You can have a zillion interests and be just as successful at finding a relationship as someone who's obsessed with just cheese. Although keeping it is another thing!
kr8vkat
Aug. 12th, 2005 08:00 pm (UTC)
Oh, I know you were only quoting. I guess it was kind of a rhetorical questions. Still, it's worth thinking about. 'Cause sometimes, you DO have to look, or at least look around :-)
layer
Aug. 12th, 2005 10:21 pm (UTC)
i like to think of it as the same sort of plan most people have for what to do when you get lost. if you wander around then you're very likely to miss the person who's looking for you. if you stay put somewhere where that person is likely to look, you increase your chances of being found. of course if you both decide to sit down and wait, that's where you get into trouble...
junglemonkee
Aug. 12th, 2005 10:29 pm (UTC)
Plan B: both of you have cell phones.....
composerjk
Aug. 13th, 2005 04:00 am (UTC)
Perhaps it's more of ... do the things you enjoy, some of which hopefully involve other people, and don't focus on looking ... then someone may come around.

*beating down the cynic in me and staying quiet otherwise* ;)

funny, though. I had the exact same "rhetorical question."

and now to go out to be social.
recursive
Aug. 13th, 2005 05:42 am (UTC)
(I haven't read the article yet.)

That's one thing I always question about this. Just chill out and be a great person and do cool shit and wait for someone to come along seems like a great idea, but I suspect it can be taken too far.

And, as mentioned below, some of us introverts need to work on at least getting out where people are likely to meet us.
junglemonkee
Aug. 13th, 2005 11:50 pm (UTC)
Okay, here's something:

I have been married more times than everyone who's commented on this post put together. And I'm NOT a "superdater." I mind my own business and when someone says "Oh, do you mind if I bring my friend so-and-so on this outing?" I say "The more the merrier." That has included study sessions in college (husband #1), trips to the airport to pick up friends (husband #2), and get-togethers at my house (husband #4). My biggest mistake by far was husband #3, the one I "went out and got." But I have accepted that I am the worst judge of what's good for me possible without being actually dead.
recursive
Aug. 14th, 2005 02:46 am (UTC)
I wonder if the fact that in our society, as in most, the man is expected to make the first move the vast majority of the time has something to do with different people's experiences.
(Anonymous)
Aug. 15th, 2005 02:27 am (UTC)
I don't mean to rain on the parade...
...but there's one paragraph in particular that sort of invalidates the rest of the article:

"So long as they were still willing to accept partners who met only a fraction of their criteria, the number of potential matches remained the same."

Which sounds like scientific-ese for "You could find someone if you weren't so picky." That's not very reassuring.

In defense of the article, however, I should say that I met my fiancee and every girlfriend before her through activities I was already involved in - sports teams, school, work, getting together with friends and their friends, etc.

- Ian
junglemonkee
Aug. 15th, 2005 03:28 pm (UTC)
Re: I don't mean to rain on the parade...
And you're a punk. Let's not forget that.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )