June 15th, 2003

buddha virgin

In the Virtual Bank Line...

So, in my dream I was at work at a company large enough to have its own restaurant/gift shop (it sorta reminded me of the Ghirardelli place in Ghirardelli Square), that one reached after going past many, many rows of cubicles, down a short driveway and over a stretch of dirt road that was covered with rattlesnakes. Mind you, you never leave the building. It's a very big place.

So, I went past the restaurant on an errand and decided to take an alternate route back to my desk. I went by way of the gym, which was next to the animal daycare facility. I visited one of my friends, who was instructing the person minding the dogs not to give his dog cooked liver as a treat, because it disagreed with him.

On my way back to my desk, I stopped by a large doorway I'd never seen before. This workplace was starting to remind me of Moscone Center, it was so large with so many very large rooms coming off it. And I peeked into one of the very large rooms and saw John Goodman doing sound recording for the sequel to Monsters, Inc. I was chased out of the room, not because it was super-secret or anything, but because I was improperly dressed. Whatever, I had to get back to my desk, having been away from it for at least half an hour now in my endeavor to take a piece of paper to another department.

So, I get back to my desk and it's time for the company bingo game. A few people (about 50) shuffle into a big room and sit at those big round tables that seat 10. I sat at a table with two guys who had both bought motorcycles recently and wanted to ask me both about the motorcycle I currently own and about the one I'm thinking of buying. They make everyone at the table shuffle positions so that they can sit next to me, both of them to my right. Then, they want to hold hands. I'm NOT a toucher. I don't generally hug people or touch them for any reason, so these two guys wanting me to hold their hands while we all discuss motorcycles makes me uncomfortable enough that I just turn away.

To my left at another table is my best childhood friend's mother. She hasn't aged at all in the 15 years or so since I last saw her. Does she work here? That would be cool. I always liked her. My friend Christina took after her Dad in personality, and I haven't talked to her in years because I'm tired of hearing about how great her life is now that she's got Jesus. Every time I talk to her, it's less like she's trying to convert me than like she's trying to convince herself.

I think about saying something to Christina's mother, of calling to her and saying hello and catching up, but I realize that Christina is right next to her. I didn't recognize her because, while her mother hasn't aged a day, Christina certainly has. She is now nearly identical to her mother and the two of them are having an animated conversation. Rather than insert myself, I just look at them for a few minutes.

When I look back at the table in front of me, everyone's paycheck has arrived. They're not in envelopes or anything, so we can all see the amount on each check. I'm surprised. The guy to my left is making something like $150 a week, takehome. The guy to my right is making about $1200 a week, takehome. My paycheck is somewhere between these two figures, and I start wondering about who decides this stuff.....

And then I'm awake. I have no idea what any of it means. I rarely do.
  • Current Music
    The Prayer Cycle
buddha virgin

Feeling terribly vulnerable

So, three weeks ago, my desktop computer blew up. One night it was working and being just fine (if you can call the regular malfunction of several systems rendering certain functions unusable fine), and the next minute, it was a paperweight. No worries. I've been using the Pirate's laptop to write from for quite some time, and have been regularly backing my stuff up to cds, so I'm not in imminent danger of losing my novel, but there are certain network functions resident on that machine that are now non-operational. It's annoying.

Lately, I've noticed that the laptop has begun to act...unpredictably. It won't always boot correctly on the first go. I get the BSOD occasionally and have to start over. Most worrisomely, although I am being reminded on a regular basis to run LiveUpdate, it doesn't appear that it's working. The virus definitions are being updated, but it doesn't look like Norton is actually doing anything.

So then, tonight, after an HOUR of solid writing, the laptop crashed. I just sat there, lamely pushing buttons and feeling numb. It can't just CRASH. That does't happen. I was able to hold its hand and shut down, one by one, the things that had been running (my cd, dictionary.com, the downloaded text of "Treasure Island") but it didn't help. The writing that I had been doing for the past hour was going to be eaten up too.

I wailed at the poor Pirate that I was angry and felt like some evil forces are trying to prevent me from ever finishing the book. I have done some drastic re-thinking of my premise and have started re-writing some major chunks of the book, so this is a big deal. We agreed that the best thing to do would be for me to get a keychain drive to store the parts I'm working on until they can be incorporated into a larger file and written to a cd. So, that's going to happen tomorrow.

In the meantime, I was able to recover the file and only lost a couple of paragraphs. I feel so frightened and vulnerable now. I hate this. I'm still petitioning to move to a monastery where I can have monks transcribing my writing by hand, illuminating the text as they go along, and making really good bread, honey and wine in their spare time. If anyone knows of a gig like this, let me know. I'd be willing to become Christian, if that's what it takes. Maybe. I'd have to see the accomodations first.
  • Current Music
    Henryk Gorecki's 3rd Symphony