December 5th, 2003

buddha virgin

Am I the Same Person?

Sunday at midnight, I drove my family from LA to San Jose in five hours. I had a nap when I got home and I got up and wrapped all the Xmas prezzies and made lists of the things that needed doing. I had it all figured out.

On Monday, I got up and hit the ground running. I made calls, I ran errands, I achieved, accomplished, set 'em up and knocked 'em down. On Tuesday, I tied up loose ends, put out feelers, got my ducks in a row and took care of business.

And then Wednesday came. I dragged my sorry ass outta bed. I tapped halfheartedly at my keyboard, stared at the few stragglers still clinging stubbornly to my To Do list, checked my email far too often. I realized only after I got home and drank a Coke that I hadn't had any caffeine, and that explained my headache and inability to wake up.

Yesterday, I was a little more purposeful, but not much. I know what needs doing, but I'm having such a hard time convincing myself to do it. I have a giant project that needs to be done before I leave for Xmas, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to get it done. Then again, I'm at my most amazing only under pressure.

Today, I'm having to convince myself, minute by minute, not to leave work and just go home. Things at home are calling me. "Finish the laundry!" "Mop the floor!" "Halloween's over - clean the cobwebs up!" "Finish the Xmas shopping!"

And even though I am being crushed under a mountain of things that need to get done, all I really want to do is sleep. Just sleep for at least twenty hours. And then wake up and NOT get dressed.
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