February 13th, 2004

buddha virgin

The Whole Gay Marriage Thang

I'm pleased for the people who have been able to go to City Hall in SF and get themselves hitched, but I'm confused about a couple of issues.

1. What is the likelihood that someone is going to come along at some point and say that all these marriages that have been performed are invalid and that no legal spousal rights are therefore conferred?

2. "Marriage" is two entirely separate things - legal and societal. I'm sort of assuming here that these people have had societal marriages for a long time. Is the whole legal thing just to bring this issue to the forefront because it's being overtly threatened now?

3. Is the mayor of S.F. suicidal? I can just see some guy from Dubuque flying out and taking him out. That wouldn't be good.

To me, the societal contract (I'm with you and I want everyone to know it) has always been the really important part of marriage. I've always wished that everything else (like insurance, inheritance, etc.) was on an "I say so" basis, meaning "This person is on my insurance because I say so."

It would be nice to cover other people who are in my circle, not just my children or spouse. It would be nice to be able to add my aged mother (when I get one - mine's still young) to my insurance. I was on her insurance when I was a child and incapable of caring for myself, why can't she be on mine when she's old and can't take care of herself?

I think that this particular challenge to the legal aspects of partnership is great for gays, but doesn't tackle the deeper issue. Going from "have not" to "have" in our society is incredibly difficult, and it shouldn't be.
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It's Lawsuit Season!

At this time every year, I have a little ritual around my house. I gather my receipts and paystubs and W-2s, hoping that the outcome is going to be in my favor.

I take my miserable little pieces of paper and I fax them to Ex #2. And every single flippin' year, he takes issue with SOMETHING. And I end up tromping back and forth to family court trying to get it all straightened out. And I do this because if I don't, I'm terrified that he'll sue me.

This fear is probably groundless given that the one and only time he's sued me, it was a pyrrhic victory for him - he spent more than $2500 to recover $100. That was in Feb. of 2002. Last year, I went out of my way to be gracious, offering him more time with his daughter, etc. But he essentially turned it down and I ended up having to schlep paperwork back and forth to the family court 6 times to get the support paperwork right.

This year it's going to be worse because he owes me a bunch of money for the overtime that he worked and the fact that I had shutdown this quarter, substantially altering the numbers from the beginning of the year. It's going to cost him, and he's all nervous about it.

And the more nervous he gets, the more disagreeable he gets.

I hate this.
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