June 20th, 2006

buddha virgin

Two Bald Guys in Hats

So, I made the decision to shave my head. I have told several people and gotten the following responses:

  1. Why would you do that? Because I want a change. I'm tired of my hair not doing what I want it to.

  2. What are you going to tell people? I don't understand this question at all. What's to explain? Hair. No hair. It's pretty self-evident.

  3. How long are you going to keep it shaved? I'm going to shave it once, then just let it grow back. By the time it's cold again, I should have hair.

  4. What will your boss do? Do? Nothing. He'll likely say "Hmmm. What's up with that?" and then tell me that he thinks it's a good idea because it's so hot out, and whatever other opinions he may have he will wisely keep to himself. My boss is much more interested in my job performance than my hair. Let's face it, it's already blue and I have facial piercings and he thinks I walk on water.

I have also decided that I'm going to take the hair and sell it on eBay.
  1. Who the hell would buy that? No idea, but I'm fairly certain that it's nobody I would ever, EVER want to meet in person. Really, I just want to see what kind of people would bid on my hair on eBay.

  2. How much do you think you'll get? Again, no idea. Whatever I get, it'd better cover postage. I think I'll have to put in a reserve of something like five bucks.

I have a few worries of my own that nobody else has expressed:

  • What if I have a really strangely-shaped head? Let's face it, hair covers a multitude of sins.

  • What if I get a sunburn which forces me to slather cream all over my head and then peels anyway and now I have a lobster-red, peeling, spotty head? Yeah. There's that.

  • What if it never grows back? Now you're just being silly.

  • So, here I go. Wish me luck. I think I may actually have to open a Flickr account so I can post the pictures.
    Chicken on your head

    I'm Naked!

    Done and done. Pictures taken, hair bagged, green mint julep mask slathered all over every single millimeter of my face, scalp and neck.

    What happened? Well, halfway through the clipper process, my stomach fluttered. I thought for a second that it might be a bad idea.

    Then, once all the hair was clipped and I had a fraction of an inch of stubble, I rubbed all over my head because it felt really cool. Back when I used to buzz my head on a regular basis, this was my favorite. I loved the feeling of my head right after it was clipped.

    Then, it was time to shave it. Lather up and keep moving the razor over it until it didn't catch anymore. I kept scraping the razor over my head and feeling it catch. It seemed to take forever, and at the end, I was just rinsing gray foam out of the razor because the stubble I was cutting was so tiny it just colored the foam. Once it all came off, my head didn't feel real anymore. It felt like it belonged to someone else. It felt like touching the skin of someone else, but I could feel me feeling myself. It was...alien.

    I slathered my entire head with teal green mint julep clay mask. My head is incredibly cold now. Freezing.I can't feel the mask hardening on the top of my head, but I can feel it freezing up on my face. I'm really, really cold. As soon as this has hardened a little, I'm going to take a shower and rinse this all off.

    Don't worry. I took pictures throughout the process so that you can all check it out.