August 5th, 2008

Poopsmith

Did You Ever Wish You Were Chinese?

One of the women at work came back from visiting family in China and brought tons of candy and treats back with her. Many of the things were a complete mystery, as they were individually wrapped and the pictures were things like cartoon puppies and birdies. Although, for all I know, it was puppy and birdie flavored candy.

Other stuff had pictures on it, but they left us mystified. One packet had a picture of a bunch of grapes, and brown spots that indicated chocolate. Grapes + chocolate = ??? It turns out that they're grape-flavored jellies covered with chocolate, and some people found them delicious. I didn't try them.

The thing I did try was the packet of pumpkin seeds. You know. Pumpkin seeds. They're delicious. Nutritious. Really, incredibly salty. The seeds in this particular bag were covered with a white dust that made all sorts of puckery promises to my tastebuds. Except that in this case, the white dust was a lying, teasing bitch that left me with a case of blue buds. I put a seed in my mouth expecting the delicious tongue-searing frisson that comes with a massive salt overdose. My tongue immediately went limp as it tasted something like a pumpkin seed dusted with cake mix. Gummy. Floury. Icky sweet. Nasty, nasty, NASTY.

Excuse me, I need to gargle.