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Now That You're Bald

It's been three days since I was snatched baldheaded at the hands of a lunatic, and I thought I'd do a little FAQ about the consequences of that act.

Why did you do this to yourself again?
Because I wanted to start over again with a clean slate, tonsorially speaking. I've dyed my hair for so long that I'm not entirely certain anymore how much of it is gray, what color the rest of it might be, etc. And I'm not the kind of person to wait for my hair to grow out naturally and deal with the whole two-tone effect.

What have people's reactions been?
The normal reaction is a gasp, followed by a look of relief and the comment "That looks pretty good." Then the inevitable barrage of questions, most of which are included here.

What did your boss say?
I don't see my boss very often. I haven't seen him since I did this, and I'm not likely to see him for another few days. But I'm not worried.

How does it feel?
When I first shaved it, my scalp felt like a newly-made cheese - squishy and dampish. But, like a cheese, the longer I "age" my scalp, the more it just feels like skin.

Not *that* kind of feel, moron. I mean, like, emotionally.
Oh, sorry. Um, I am now aware of the extent to which many people's egos are bound up in their individual body parts. Lose an eye, a nose, a breast, some hair and your ego is threatened. I've challenged that perception in myself. I've always thought of myself as basically unattractive (NO COMMENTS PLEASE) so it's not like I worried I'd be ugly. In fact, I find the overall effect pleasing.

Any unintended side effects?
  • I'm cold all the time, except for the times when I'm in my car (which has a sunroof) and I'm baking because there's nothing to keep the sun off my head. I've taken to wearing a giant sunhat in the car.
  • When I walk, there's a sound of wind in my ears because there's no hair to diffuse it.
  • At the end of the day, anything I put on my head sticks like velcro because the stubble has started to appear above the skin.
  • Makeup looks stranger because my face is no longer competing with my hair for attention. On the plus side, the scars from past face/hair battles will finally begin to fade - those bitches fight dirty.

  • How does your husband feel about this?
    He still pays me all the attention that he ever has, without showing any weird fetish behavior like licking my bald scalp (which would probably alarm me). He lovingly rubs his stubbly head against mine frequently, though. He helped me do it, so he can't think it's all bad. I was originally worried about his reaction because I had cut my hair drastically short once before and he really disliked it, but I think he feels about my hair the way another friend of mine feels which is "very short or fairly long - you don't look so good in between." Although my husband has too much of a sense of self-preservation to ever tell me that I don't look good.

    Are those Fluevogs?
    No, they're Sketchers and you're in the wrong forum.

    How long are you going to keep it this way?
    Having told my children about it, I want to keep it shaved until I see them. I had originally intended to shave it once and then let it grow out, but I think I'm going to keep it shaved until the second week in July.

    What are you going to do after it grows back?
    I am thinking of doing it all one color like emerald green. I like emerald green. If you have a great idea for my hair, I'm always willing to try anything that doesn't stink, sting or stain. Although, having shaved my scalp a few times now, I think I have overcome the "sting" thing. Shaving your scalp stings like crazy.

    If you have any REAL questions about my hairlessness, pose them and I will answer.


    ( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
    Jun. 23rd, 2006 05:49 pm (UTC)
    Oooh ooh! I have one! Can I rub it for good luck? ^_^
    Jun. 23rd, 2006 05:53 pm (UTC)
    Yes, but only if you sing to me like Elvis.
    Jun. 23rd, 2006 05:55 pm (UTC)
    o/~ Loooove me tender, love me true, let me rub your heaaaaaaaad... o/~
    Jun. 23rd, 2006 06:02 pm (UTC)
    I am now aware of the extent to which many people's egos are bound up in their individual body parts. Lose an eye, a nose, a breast, some hair and your ego is threatened. I've challenged that perception in myself.

    Very interesting. If I may suggest, this could be the seed of a great short opinion piece for Glamour or Vogue or Self or whatever.

    Jun. 23rd, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
    When I went from very long hair to very short hair my primary reason was to get it made into a wig for my mother when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, then I wound up donating it to Locks of Love.

    A subtext to getting it cut was the fact I had been using my hair to 'hide' my face/body and I wanted to stop hiding. With short hair you just can't do that.
    Jun. 23rd, 2006 07:10 pm (UTC)
    The unintended side effects are interesting - things that a person who had never shaved their head would probably never think of or know about (unless, y'know, being told by someone who has).

    I doubt I'll shave my head completely - certainly not as long as I'm working at Giant Health Care Conglomerate Corporation (TM) - but, if I do get the cafe' job I'm hoping for, I just might give it a try.
    Jun. 23rd, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
    I remain of the opinion that green hair just isn't good, on anyone.

    Your Sketchers do seem to be rather like Fluevogs, though.
    ( 7 comments — Leave a comment )