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Next Up: My Personal Jet Pack!

I have to get a dental implant. Yes, there is a perfectly solid medical need for this.

I'm sort of pissed because it's going to cost me a ton of money and my insurance won't cover it. They'd cover a bridge, but to do a bridge the dentist has to destroy two perfectly good teeth (one on either side of the tooth being lost) and crown them, cementing the bridge between the two new crowns.

That's a horrible idea, and not what I want. A dental implant will replace just the tooth that's being lost and will be permanent - the bridge will only last as long as the crowns, and the tooth that's being lost is one that's being lost because it was crowned 10 years ago when I got a root canal and there's something wrong under the crown.

So, given the fact that they're going to be implanting a fake tooth in my head anyway, I decided that I'm going to embed an RFID chip into the fake tooth.


I'll have the RFID chip. In my head. It'll just be there. What applications can I now hook up to it? A flaming trampoline? Smart door locks? Something that interacts with my wireless phone?

What I want is not just an RFID chip, but I want the implant itself to be some kind of psychadelic millefiori thing. I want the tooth equivalent of the Watchful Poker Chip of H. Matisse, from the story of that name in Raymond Bradbury's The October Country, where a very boring man who loses an eye has Henri Matisse paint him a poker chip to replace it.

Come on! Put your imaginations to work! Think! THINK, DAMN YOU! What can I do with the tooth itself, and what can I then do with the RFID chip? Think big! Think wild! Think crazy! (But think in terms of currently-available technology, because my dentist doesn't want to wait on this.)

(And for those of you who doubt my sanity, the wisdom of this enterprise, etc. - thank you, but I am not entertaining naysayers today.)



( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 8th, 2006 07:22 am (UTC)
i would TOTALLY hook it up to a tamagotchi. only because it would be funny to see how long it would take before you try to rip it out of your head.

(i hate to admit that, it makes me sound horrible, but it really would be funny. you're funny when you're mad.)

other applications include:

- radio transmitter with a tiny speaker system so you could open your mouth and amplify the traffic report

- wireless hookup to a device that makes a fart noise so you could close your mouth and set it off from across the room

- if you press your tongue to it it arms your car alarm or starts it up automatically.

that's all i got for now.
Sep. 8th, 2006 03:00 pm (UTC)
I specifically said "Think BIG." Wireless fart noise? I know you can do better than that!

You're KILLIN' ME!
Sep. 8th, 2006 08:22 pm (UTC)
Something with light! A laser would be coolest, of course, but a regular LED like a mini-flashlight conveniently near your eye could be cool too. Better if it's a front tooth, I suppose.

A little heating element so you could feel like you're sipping a hot drink whenever you wanted? Ceramic is a good material for this.

A chew-counter! It would be useless trivia most of the time, but when you wanted to count something on purpose you could just chew as you counted.
Sep. 8th, 2006 04:26 pm (UTC)
You could put a hacked multi-million-dollar value FasTrack transponder into your new tooth, and never worry about tolls ever ever ever again.

Ummmm, I'd say a biofeedback-controlled tv remote, but I don't think the interface hardware is small enough yet.

Oh! Hey! I know! You could put a satellite radio receiver into it and connect it to a mastoid implant for perfect stereo reception anywhere, anytime!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )