It was hard, Peaches grandmother hated her mother and wasn't exactly enthusiastic about taking Peaches to see her. Our phone conversation on Wednesday, when she told me that she wasn't going to have any kind of memorial, left me feeling sad and concerned for her, but I was fairly certain that Peaches would be able to get to her see beyond her need to punish her mother down into her need to grieve for the fact that it was now officially too late to fix things and start living without bitterness.
Sure enough, Peaches got there and offered to help her grandmother go to the nursing home and clean out Frances' room. They went through her things and Peaches got Barbara to tell her about all the relics and memories the room contained. When they got back to Barbara's house, she and Peaches went through her old photo albums and talked about what Barbara's life had been like when she was little, and what Peaches' dad's life had been like when she was little. I can't begin to express my gratitude at what Peaches has done for her grandmother, and my pride in her compassion. The kid is a marvel.
But, on the downside, she got home was was still going through it. She cried a lot Sunday night, and come Monday morning when the Pirate went to take her to the bus, she didn't have her stuff together for water polo practice. He yelled at her to get her stuff together, and she said that she wanted to quit the team because she was too sad to participate. He told her to get her stuff and get in the car, and she countered with "But somebody died!"
Later, when she found out that practice had been moved back an hour, she asked me if she could skip it. She was told to take advantage of the time to do her homework and then get her lycra-covered butt to practice. I was really hoping that the support of her teammates and an hour and a half of vigorous exercise would perk her up, and indeed, it did. By the time I fetched her from the bus stop, she was in a much better mood and no longer thinking about quitting.
We had a talk about the fact that crappy stuff happens, but the world never stops. People die, people leave, people lose their jobs and lie to you and wear ugly clothes and no matter how much we wish it would, the world doesn't just stop. And if you withdraw from all activity every time something bad happens to you, in no time people learn that you can't be relied upon. It becomes hard to hold down a skilled job or keep up a healthy relationship. It's not scalable.
So, Peaches is sad, but her homework is done, she's tired out from practice (they've got two games this week) and she knows that there are people depending on her. We're giving her extra hugs and love and support, and she's letting us.