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Never, Ever Clean Your Carpet

When one cleans one's carpet, normally one empties the room in question of furniture first. We duly put the couch and chairs and tables and various stuff out onto the porch and after compulsively purchasing some chickens, I duly cleaned the carpet. Upon putting the carpet back, I realized that I just couldn't stand to have the nasty 12-year-old couch for one more second. For all I cared, it could stay on the porch until it rotted. For two weeks, we've been living the redneck dream - you can sit on the couch and fish from our back porch. Even better, depending on your bait, you can catch fish OR chicken!

But I've been pining for some kind of big, cushy furniture on which the entire family can snuggle and watch movies. What I was really thinking was something on the order of a pile of throw pillows - some sort of harem-esque sort of thing that invited lounging and lolling and slack. And could then be stacked conveniently out of the way. To that end, I went to the craft store on Friday and bought six yards of heavy-duty upholstery twill in cranberry red. I also bought 5 2-lb. bags of fiberfill and two spools of cranberry-red thread.

The plan was that I would first make a sort of triangular bolster. My vision was a nice wedge-shaped thing that we could lean against. I first just folded down the entire piece of fabric into a triangle and cut it out. The resulting triangle stood almost two feet high at the apex, and was nearly three feet at the base. Much, much larger than I was anticipating. I cut it in half. Then I started sewing. And sewing. And sewing. Three bobbins later, it was done except for the final seam, and ready to be stuffed. And I was ready for bed.

In the sober light of morning, I looked at what I'd wrought and realized that the five pitiful bags of fiberfill weren't going to be nearly enough for this behemoth. My other thought had been to shred some of the old fabric I have in the basement - fabric that had been given to me by an old neighbor who apparently bought it back when miracle fabrics were new and novel. There was no way there was enough fabric, I thought, looking at the space I had to fill. And even if we shredded it, the result would be far lumpier and less soft that I was hoping. Then I looked outside.

"What if we used the stuffing from the old couch?" I said to the Pirate. He was in wholehearted agreement. First, we took the cushions off the bottom and took the huge foam-rubber forms out of them, and put them on the bottom. Nice start, but not enough. Next, we took the forms out of the pillows that had been the back of the couch. I had totally forgotten it, but I had apparently already used a good deal of the neighbor's miracle fabric to re-make the pillow forms inside the couch cushions because they were losing their shape five years ago. I stacked those on top of the foam rubber.

The couch was a hide-a-bed, and the Pirate and I put our bloodthirstiness, inventiveness and considerable tool library to work in deconstructing the mattress and relieving it of some several layers of foam rubber and a large roll of fabric that looked to be made entirely of dryer lint stuck together with rubber cement. I'm sure there's a word for it, but I couldn't begin to guess what it might be.

I rounded out the back with the foam from the arms of the old couch (leaving the old couch as nothing but a skeleton on the porch - sort of a slackasaurus fossil). The whole thing ended up being much more couch-shaped than I was thinking it would be, and I was quite pleased with it. But one entire side of it was still open to the air. I wasn't sure how to close up that last seam, but it seemed lke the best thing to do was to have the Pirate hold the whole couch up on its end while I put my sewing machine on the floor and sew up that last seam up that way. Believe me when I tell you, it was much more difficult than it sounds.

And here is a picture of the Baby Goddess sitting on the new couch. Doesn't she look happy?

Goddess, Reclining on Homemade Couch

And, as if that weren't enough, today, I wrote some stuff, had lunch with the lovely and entertaining alleahna, dyed my hair blue and made two recipes of blackberry jam from blackberries from our back yard.

All in all, an impressively productive weekend!


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 9th, 2006 05:15 am (UTC)
Yay for blue hair!
Oct. 9th, 2006 07:05 am (UTC)
You're giving your kids amazing stories, you know that? When they're in college and other kids are bitchimg about their uncool moms, your girls will tell about their cool mother with blue hair and a motorcycle who raised chickens and made furniture.
Oct. 9th, 2006 06:15 pm (UTC)
wow, impressive!!!
Oct. 11th, 2006 01:09 am (UTC)
EEEEHH! ^^ I love your new couch! :p The red is a shade of red my mom would choose =p. And I also love your daughter's dress! Did you make that yourself??
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )