I was thinking something along the lines of...[screen goes all wavy, dissolves to closeup of hand holding a crumpled, grease-spotted piece of paper which reads...]
The voices in my head have been telling me to get on a bus and head to [STATE]. I don't know if the cops would let me back into [CITY], but if I can get one or two towns over - well, nobody checks a hitchhiker's ID, do they? [FIRST_NAME] [FIRST_NAME] [FIRST_NAME] why do I have that name stuck in my head? WHY? Is this someone I know? I think it's the name of one of the voices, but it's not one of the nice ones. I'm pretty sure it's the one that told me to legally change my name to John Wayne [LAST_NAME]. The last time I was at the library, I Googled [ADDRESS_1]. You're doing okay, aren't you? Nice looking little place you've got. Is your couch comfortable? I hope so, for your sake.
[FADE TO BLACK]
This is EXACTLY what they had in mind when they invented mail merge, I'm sure.