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My stepmother sent me this, so I'm sure most of you have already seen it, but I thought it was funny.



- Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

- The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

- "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

- A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

- The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

- Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

- If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

- A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

- HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

- Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

- Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

- Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

- A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

- Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

- The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

- You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

- What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
gallifreyan
Dec. 15th, 2003 03:10 pm (UTC)
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

- Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.


Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
layer
Dec. 15th, 2003 03:35 pm (UTC)
but a cuban cigar is a really good smoke.

;)
gallifreyan
Dec. 15th, 2003 09:44 pm (UTC)
Should a gentleman offer a lady a Tiparillo?
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )