1. Roughing It for People Like Me
2. The KOA View of Feminine Pulchritude
3. What's That Smell?
4. Bald Up Top
5. The Terrier in That Truck


1. We went camping this weekend. pirateguillermo was a little late coming from work Friday, but roundabout Tuesday he had gotten all the stuff down from the attic. I corralled the girls into helping load the truck so that by the time he was pulling in, we were pretty much packed. We have a few large Rubbermaid bins that hold our stuff and keep the dew off, and then the kitchen box (from the Army surplus place) and then there are the loose items. Sleeping bags, the wood bin, the tripod. But for us, there are other requirements. The Creature speakers, the laptops, a selection of DVDs.

You'd never know that I had never been camping before pirateguillermo and I got together. I can make a roaring fire with no lighter fluid in no time. I can cook anything in cast iron over an open fire and make it taste fabulous. I can sit under a tree in a swarm of bugs and think life's pretty good.

2. We spent some quality time at the pool. Like I said, this is roughing it. So, the pool is where I see my fellow campers in as much of their glory as I think I could stand it. And here's what a person would take away if their entire understanding of the species were gleaned from the pool at the KOA. Human women start out as little pollywogs of various degrees of sturdiness. They enter teenhood having gained no weight from the time they were four. At this stage, they are 5" tall and weigh no more than 40 pounds, and are so thin that whatever clothes they wear are falling off. And then, by the age of 25, they weigh at least 250 lbs.

I don't want you to think that most of these women were unattractive. At least one of them was downright glorious. She was wearing a black bathing suit with rhinestones at the front. The suit was bulging at the seams, there was a giant rip at the back. Her belly was suspended in front of her like an umpire's chest protector. Her husband was there with her, the water making swirls in the hair on his back. And the two of them so obviously grooved on each other that I had to smile.

I also saw a trend I like. The tankini. This is a tank top and bikini bottom and appears to be the answer to many women's prayers. It seems to offer even MORE modest coverage than a one-piece (which hugs everything, leaving nothing to the imagination but the location of one's moles), and even MORE freedom of movement than a bikini (the freedom of movement ending when your bathing suit top stays at the surface while you've dived to the bottom). Women of many different sizes and shapes were wearing them, and all of them looked happy and comfortable. That's good.

3. We ended our camping experience and came home, whereupon I emptied out the duffel bags. Everything had the liquid smoke smell of barbecue sauce. It was weird. I could clearly smell everything we did last night - the fire, the chili beans, the cherries we had for dessert. It was nice. The smell actually permeated those clothes that had stayed at the bottom of the duffel bags that hadn't been unpacked. That smoke. Pervasive.

4. The other thing we did once I got home was start packing. Okay, on a very small scale. pirateguillermo supervised Peaches taking all the family photos down from the hallway. I took down the 69 postcards that had been scotch taped to the ceiling of my bedroom. They comprise about half of my collection, which will make its appearance in full on the ceiling of the new bedroom. I love postcards.

5. pirateguillermo and I decided to take the girls out for Mexican food for dinner. At 4:30. After dinner we were driving down the road and pirateguillermo said "Check that out," pointing to a man's arm hanging out of a truck window. The hair ruffled in the wind, exposing the cheesy white of skin that rarely saw the light of day, although this man looked as though he habitually hung said arm out the window. I observed that if only it had a tongue hanging off it, it could forgiveably be mistaken for a terrier.

And now, I think I'm turning in early. I'm tired.